Oftentimes I replay incidents in my head when I should have said something because sometimes the perfect thing to say comes to mind when the moment has passed. I remember getting upset and always needing to remove myself from the situation, person or environment in general. This method of action has caused deep self-reflection but I still have the same feelings of anger or regret but it is suppressed.
I wonder when I learned that: to stop before saying what I feel. I wonder when I learned to think about how other feel before I could identify my own feelings and when I started labeling my needs secondary or inferior. Sometimes, I’m unable to convey what I mean through writing or speech. Sometimes, I look for poem to do it for me. Sometimes, there’s a poet in the world who has said something in a way that all I can do is share the poem. No words need to be spoken; just listen.
Here’s a poem by Janae Johnson-“Black Rage”.